GIVE YOUR ANXIETY

Oct | WRITTEN BY MARYAH JOHNSON

Maryah Johnson, a pastor's wife and mother of four, shares her journey of learning to let go of perfectionism, especially in how her daughters express themselves through makeup. She reflects on her struggle with postpartum anxiety and how God taught her to embrace the messiness of life rather than hiding imperfections, trusting in His love and care. Through scripture and prayer, Maryah emphasizes the importance of surrendering anxious thoughts to God, allowing Him to bring peace and use those moments to strengthen her ministry and relationships.

Hi! My name is Maryah Johnson, I am a Pastors wife and mama to four crazy littles. Stella, Maxwell, Lennon, and baby Walker! My husband Ethan and I are Youth Pastors in Kelso, WA and we absolutely love being able share God’s Word and his love with the youth in our community.

Today, I am so excited to share with you a little bit of what God has been laying on my heart lately.

My daughters absolutely LOVE makeup… Now I wish they just loved cutie little Lip Smackers… but no. They have to wear the brightest blue eyeshadow, sunburnt pink blush, and the darkest cherry red lipstick they can find.

Do they do a good job at applying this makeup? Absolutely not. Do they also insist on wearing it everywhere we go, including every Sunday morning for church? Yes… yes they do. I am a mama of four crazy littles ranging from ages 8.5 years to two months. I am absolutely no parenting expert. However, I have learned that I need to pick my battles… and makeup was one battle I tried fighting for far too long…

I know you’re probably thinking right about now “Umm Maryah? Makeup has nothing to do with Jesus…” But stay with me!! When my oldest daughter was around 3 years old, my husband and I were brand new into ministry, and I knew Sunday was the most important day of the week. The day we all had to have it ALL together.

One Sunday morning we were up bright and early getting ready to head to service before the sun was even awake. We had just welcomed our second baby and I was in the thick of postpartum and beginning to experience Postpartum Depression and Anxiety. Just as we were walking out the door, my daughter came out of her room with blue and purple eyeshadow all over and was smiling ear to ear, proud of herself and her makeup. We had to leave so I chose not to fight her even though I knew all eyes would be on me for not having our daughter looking absolutely perfect for service. Throughout that morning I received so many “joking”comments about how messy she looked. And while those comments may have slipped right off of anyone else, they stuck with me.

How could I, a pastor's wife, allow our perfect little pastor's kid to be messy? This may be a silly thought, but my anxiety led me to believe that them seeing my messy toddler, meant that everyone was going to see how imperfect our life is. Sometimes we might use makeup here and there to hide our imperfections… but I felt as if I needed to keep my anxiety (my number one imperfection) hidden away. In trying to do so, I created a narrative that I had to be perfect all the time.

“Do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? But if God clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?”

Matthew 6:25 & 30

If God can love and care so much for the grass around me, how much more will he love & care for me and my messy family? When I was stuck in the season of believing I needed to be perfect, I didn’t trust his plans for me or his plans for my family. I allowed my anxious thoughts to consume me, & ultimately consume my mission in ministry. My “Sunday Morning Roll” isn’t to come to church all put together, ensuring my daughter is squeaky clean. My roll, my calling, my heart is to come to service wanting to leave all of my mess at the feet of Jesus, and lead others to do the same. However, letting go of those anxious thoughts wasn’t easy to do at first.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 4:6-7

We are instructed to bring our anxious thoughts to God. Making our every request known. We are not called to live a life full of anxiety, but to pray against it. And when we do, we can stand firm in knowing that the God who loves the grass, will also bring his daughter peace.

“I sought the Lord and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to Him are radiant and their faces shall never be ashamed.”

Psalm 34:4-5

How on earth can I let these anxious thoughts go? By seeking Him daily. By truly giving it all to Him. And by trusting that in Him, I do not need to be ashamed. No matter what fear you are facing right now, God is waiting for you to turn to him, and surrender those fearful thoughts at his feet. Even if you have never had an anxious thought, being able to fully trust that The Lord will bring you peace and deliver you from any fear, is something worth seeking wholeheartedly.

I want to challenge you (and myself), that as we seek him, we practice putting down those walls of perfection and allow others to see our imperfect lives. Because we serve a God who will one day use the messes to bring us closer to others and allow us share his promises with them as well.

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind”

2 Timothy 1:7

Flash forward, we have now been in ministry for a little over 7 years, and my daughters still wear makeup, because it is a battle I know I do not want to fight early Sunday morning. But because of their mismatched clothes and bright pink eyeshadow, I have been able to allow God to move in my heart and in my ministry.

“But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or his stature because I have rejected him. Humans do not see what the LORD sees, for humans see what is visible, but the LORD sees the heart.”

1 Samuel 16:7

David was rejected by those around him because of his appearance. Looked down on because of his age. “Humans see what is visible, but the LORD sees the heart.” Begin to allow the Lord to move in your heart. Transforming you to knowing and growing in his deep love for you. You might not “look the part” in the world's eyes. But thank you Jesus for the TRUTH that we can stand on knowing that you see our hearts, and we do not have to fear perfection, instead release it to him. Continuing to worship him wholeheartedly.

In motherhood, I love being able to build up my girls and let them know that God has created them so uniquely and loves them so deeply… just as he loves all of his creations. In ministry, I want to be able to create a space where other women can come to me knowing that we may have both had a chaotic morning that led to unbrushed hair, and imperfect makeup on ourselves and maybe our littles… but we can still come together & give every anxious thought to our loving Father and he will give us peace. That is my mission. I have seen God be faithful to myself and my family when I allowed HIM to move in this space and NOT my anxiety.